YES. YES. YES.
I just finished my last final like an hour ago and it’s safe to say that this girl is ELATED. My junior is over and done with, I’m officially a senior, and only one more year until I’m released from my four year sentence- one more year until NY because though it’s not an absolute yet, it will happen. It’s going to. It has to.
But of course, as it usually goes, the stress is not over. Maybe half over, but I’ve still got a plethora of other academic-related responsibilities to complete within the next month or so. And that sucks. Today was my last day, but I’m still going to be pulling my hair out while my eyes fry from bright computer screens and the inundation of caffeine until the 13th of June. Then, it’s an interim of peace when I can finally start watching TV again, Oh man, this too is difficult. What to watch ?? So many shows, so little time. But, I waited for this for so long, and I’m glad it’s mostly over, kinda.
As I reflect over this last junior year, I’m going to miss, well nothing. Thank the fucking lord it’s over. I will not look back and reminisce: all the times I felt like I was having a quarter-life crisis bc i’m 16 ????, 8 classes, and the ridiculously stressful nature of jazz band. It’s gone, it’s out the window, it’s out of my life, mind, body & soul.
As I do look back, however, like it is every year no matter how much I loathe my class experience, I always do miss/feel nostalgic at everything that I’ve done, and everything that has happened now seems like a blurred slap in the face. But, a slap that left some good memories. Actually, no not good, but I don’t know, I just feel like whenever something is over, it’s … over. ?? Whatever, I’m trying to speak what’s on my mind and it’s like an amalgam of weird and obvious conclusions.
I think it’s because I dislike change. I don’t care what mental state I’m in, it entails a new journey of new endeavors and new things and it’s intimidating a little bit. It makes you want to run and hide under your security blanket of things that are familiar, no matter how much they sucked. You kinda just wanna go back, even if what awaits will be awesome and auspicious and advantageous. Ty AP English vocab.
I think that’s what I mean when I say that I will miss/reminisce/look back on those horrible times. I will savor those warm thoughts because I know them, I’ve felt them.
To end, speaking of nostalgia which I also talked about in my last post, here’s another song that makes me feel nostalgic, even though it’s new to me. It’s great how songs can do that. This tune makes me want to slow dance w a honey in a big empty room or something, idk. It’s very romantic.
Here’s to a great next year, may it be more tolerable than expected.
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